It’s hard to admit but until now, I cannot control my own emotions but compared to who and how I was before, I believe I’ve become better. However, there are times when I feel guilty when my child acts aggressively because I know that he got it from me.
Bad news: I know that I’m not a good example.
Good news: It’s never too late to change.
So if you’re guilty of the same things, such as raising your voice, slamming the door, cursing, and the list goes on, remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And again, it’s never too late to take charge of your own emotions.
As a parent, we have too much on our plates already and perhaps, regulating our own emotions is the last thing we want to handle. But remember, what “children see, children do.''
So the question is, are you ready to take the EXTRA WORK of working on your own emotions?
I know, it’s hard, almost impossible, especially if your anger is coming from a lot of things -- trauma, work issues, childhood experiences, etc. -- but if you think of things, like how it will help your child grow resiliently and peacefully, I believe it’s worth working for.
If that’s not enough to convince you, here are more advantages of regulating your emotions.
Bad Emotions Go Away On Their Own
Regulating your emotions doesn’t necessarily mean ignoring them; rather, it means recognizing your feelings, just being aware that you are upset, frustrated, or hurt. Breathe in and do your best to stop acting impulsively, and feel it go away.
Personal Tip: I’ve always had trouble handling my emotions, even before having a child, so when I get mad, I tend to shout at my little one. Wrong! Yes, it is and I am terribly sorry about my actions.
So what I do now whenever he does something unpleasant, I breathe in, count from 1 to 5, pause, and breathe out slowly. This lets me recognize what I am feeling and then I help him recognize his emotions, too. Surprisingly, bad emotions go away.
Transition From Anger To Love
Did you know that anger is just a result? And it is caused by any of these: fear, shame, guilt, sadness, or insecurity. So when you are upset with your child, it is caused by hurt, fear, or disappointment.
Again, just feel it, let it go on its own and when you let this process take over, you feel happier. As we become vulnerable to our emotions, we open up our hearts and let anger transmute to love.
Interesting Read: 7 Parenting Secrets To Raising A Happy Child: Backed By Science
Helps Your Child Become More Cooperative
No matter what we do, our children will grow into a person that’s different from who and what we want them to be. After all, they are unique. What we can do instead is change ourselves to become the person we want to be.
As you change yourself, including how you handle your emotions, our little ones respond differently. As you become better at self-regulation, we become more effective at parenting and as a result, our little ones become more cooperative.
Interesting Read: Disciplining A Toddler: 7 Simple Yet Effective Techniques
Does This Mean That You Should Let Your Child Misbehave?
Of course, not. As parents, our role is to guide and raise our kids to become better adults. We need to be firm with our decisions and take control over them, not them taking control over us.
However, that doesn’t necessarily mean using an iron fist. The more we use an aggressive approach, the more fear is instilled in our child and believe me when I tell you that fear is not good. In the long run, it might lead to resistance or even hatred -- and you don’t want this.
So, How Do You Handle A Misbehaving Child?
Aside from the tips I’ve mentioned above, such as recognizing your feelings, one of the best ways is to do the unexpected.
Perhaps, your kid is expecting you to scream when he does something wrong but this time, how about you give them a big, warm hug. You can also do something silly, like a funny face. It’s crazy but it reduces the tension between the two of you.
It’s not about being soft to your child or giving it; rather, it’s about empathizing with them. It’s about helping them recognize their frustrations, too. Let’s say your child wants to eat more ice cream but you know he had enough already. Instead of telling them to stop in an aggressive tone, it may be nice to have a new approach this time.
Hug your kid and tell them that you know they want more but having too much ice cream can make them sick. If this doesn’t work, divert their attention. Turn on the radio, do a funny dance, and ask them to join.
What do you think of these tricks? Do you have other ways to regulate your emotions? How do you handle your child’s tantrums?
Feel free to share them in the comment box below.